Okay boys and girls, it’s WrestleMania season. Here are my predictions, leave yours at the bottom, unless you’re a chicken.
My WrestleMania 35 Predictions
Women’s Battle Royal
Man, it better be Asuka. You decided to pull the rug out on her title run just to make Charlotte Flair seem more important mere weeks before a moment that should’ve been huge for her. Less than a year after they book Charlotte to end her undefeated streak, she really loses the belt to Charlotte on a random episode of SmackDown. It’s the least they could do.
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Winner: Braun Strowman
The only build this silly throwaway match has is the beef between the beefy Braun Strowman and the lead writers of SNL, Michael Che and Colin Jost. C’mon, if Braun doesn’t win, what was the point? (To get more people on the WrestleMania card, but c’mon, you know what I meant).
Cruiserweight Championship, Buddy Murphy (C) vs. Tony Nese
Winner: Buddy Murphy
I’ll confess, I don’t watch 205 Live. I watch a lot of wrestling every week, but I’m a really busy man, and it’s not that I don’t think the cruiserweights are bad, it’s just… Buddy Murphy weighs more than either man in the WWE Championship match? What’st he point of this division? I’m gonna go with Murphy because as great as discount PAC is, Murphy is money.
Raw Tag Team Championship, The Revival (C) vs. The Major Brothers
Winners: The Major Brothers
Oh yeah? Oh yeah, Revival? You’re gonna leave? You’re gonna go to AEW? Not before you job to the guy who was over in 2011 and the guy who seemingly hasn’t won a match since 2011? #FTR.
SmackDown Tag Team Championship, The Usos (C) vs. The Bar vs. Ricochet and Aleister Black vs. Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev
Winners: The Usos
Rumor has it the Usos just re-signed with the WWE, and nobody else in this match really makes sense. Sure, the Bar could win, and it would make sense for the NXT call-ups to have the feel good win, but frankly, I don’t think they’ll be on SmackDown, and another Bar win doesn’t feel significant to me. Meanwhile, Nakamura and Rusev are literally just in this match so they have something to do at WrestleMania, so I wouldn’t bet on them.
Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin
Winner: Baron Corbin
Honestly, I hope I’m wrong about this one. I hope Angle gets one last big win, and he finally gets revenge on Corbin for all the nonsense he’s kayfabe put him through. But part of me thinks that they really like Corbin for some reason, and they’ll give him the win because it means huge heat for him. It used to be that you went out on your back, so we’ll see how WWE handles this one.
The Miz vs. Shane McMahon (Falls Count Anywhere)
Winner: The Miz
The Miz has to win this match. Seriously, there was no reason for Shane to win the Best in the World tournament, and there’s no reason for Miz to lose to yet another part-timer. Set something up for Shane to jump/fall off, and let Miz get a big win.
Women’s Tag Team Championship, The Boss and Hug Connection (C) vs. The IIconics, Nia Jax and Tamina Snuka vs. Beth Phoenix and Natalya
Winners: The Boss and Hug Connection
C’mon, don’t get fancy here. Unless you’re going to put the belt on the IIconics, don’t screw around and give the belt to a part-timer and her best friend or the juggernauts that aren’t great talkers or wrestlers. These two are over, they’re good wrestlers, and they can give these belts a good first run.
United States Championship, Samoa Joe (C) vs. uh… Rey Mysterio?
Winner: Rey Mysterio… or John Cena
This is a joke, but honestly, if Rey can’t go, don’t be surprised if they pull out someone fun. My personal theory is that Rey tries and tries, but he just can’t go… so his son, Dominic (or was he Eddie Guerrero’s son? I can’t remember), jumps in and makes his debut at WrestleMania. You think I’m joking, but I’m really not. Watch this happen.
Intercontinental Championship, Bobby Lashley (C) vs. Finn Balor
Winner: Finn Balor
Finn’s coming out as the demon. Open/shut, he wins.
Triple H vs. Batista
Winner: Triple H
Yeah, there’s no way that Triple H is going to let himself not avenge Ric Flair in kayfabe, and he-uhh, has plenty-uhh of matches-uhh, left. Can’t retire yet, Hunter.
A.J. Styles vs. Randy Orton
Winner: A.J. Styles
So, I’ve been burying both of these guys for a while now, simply because I’m the worst kind of wrestling fan in the world, but I’m actually really excited for this match. A motivated Randy Orton is an entertaining Randy Orton, and he has great chemistry with A.J., who is legitimately only three or four years removed from being one of the best in the world. This match is gonna be a lot of fun.
Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre
Winner: Roman Reigns
You’re dreaming if you think they’re going to book Reigns to lose this match, absolutely dreaming. Though it actually makes more sense. Give Drew the win so he can feud with (Shh) for the Universal Championship, but oh well, Roman wins.
Though, I do wonder… if Roman wins, could WWE resist another chapter of Reigns vs. Lesnar?
WWE Championship, The New Daniel Bryan (C) vs. Kofi Kingston
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Honestly, I’m the world’s biggest Seth Rollins mark, but if it meant Kofi won this match, I’d have Rollins get F-5’d for the win immediately. Kofi deserves this, even if he drops the belt on Tuesday, he needs his WrestleMania moment and to be called a world champion. And then the post-match New Day celebration will be awesome too… unless it turns (Big E Voice) souuuuuur?
Universal Championship Match, Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Seth Rollins
Winner: Seth Rollins
Honestly, I really get the feeling that Seth is going to lose this match. With all the other babyfaces winning, one of the good guys has to eat a pin. Seriously, I get this feeling that Rollins is going to lose this match so we can get Roman vs. Lesnar at Summer Slam. I really hope I’m wrong.
Raw Women’s Championship, Ronda Rousey (C) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair
Winner: Becky Lynch
Hey WWE… Don’t screw this up.