May the Bro Be With You: Ranking the Star Wars Movies (So Far)

Last week, Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order came out, roughly around the time Disney Plus dropped, featuring the first episode of the Mandalorian. We are a month away from the final film in the Skywalker Saga dropping, and we’re fully in the Star Wars swing, we thought, why not drop a Star Wars list? Here it is, the ranking of every Star Wars movie (so far).

To be updated.

May the Bro Be With You: Ranking the Star Wars Movies (So Far)

10. Episode Eight: The Last Jedi

I’m gonna start off by saying something incredibly controversial. It’s going to upset some people, and I’m sorry, but it’s true. Star Wars movies are objectively bad films. They’re cheesy, they’re predictable, and the dialogue is nearly always cringeworthy.

But you know what else they are? Just a ton of fun. The characters are colorful, the universe is deep and fascinating, they’ve always been visually stunning, and John Williams’ score is iconic. They won’t win any Oscars, but they’re a blast to watch, and I love most of them more than just about anything.

Except this one. I don’t love this movie. Know why? It’s not fun. This movie is a chore to watch, and lacks nearly all of Star War’s signature charm. The space race feels tedious, the entire Casino planet feels pointless, and most of the characters do stupid things that make no sense. Why is Po Dameron trying to commit a mutiny in the middle of a space chase? Laura Dern’s character is a horrible leader, and I want nothing to do with where the blue milk came from.

Rian Johnson is worse than Jar Jar Binks. There. I said it. Speaking of which…

9. Episode One: The Phantom Menace

Liam Neeson’s Qui-Gon Jinn, the Darth Maul character, and the Duel of the Fates score are the only redeemable things about this truly dreadful movie. The dialogue is atrocious, there are more than a couple questionable racial stereotypes, and poor, poor Jake Matthews Lloyd, an actual child that received death threats because he was a bad actor and for all his creative genius, George Lucas can’t write a normal conversation between two people.

8. Solo: A Star Wars Story

So, I didn’t hate this movie. In fact, I kinda liked it. But, it just didn’t need to exist. It didn’t really make the rest of the Star Wars universe better, it felt like most actors (*cough* Donald Glover) are just doing impressions of their counterparts, and the plot twist at the end opened a loophole that I’m not sure the films have any intention of closing.

Also, it likely cost us a big screen Obi-Wan movie, and now we’re hoping for a show on Disney Plus.

7. Episode Two: Attack of the Clones

I think Hayden Christensen is actually a decent actor. I think Natalie Portman is a great actress. You would not know that from watching this film. These two have no chemistry, the script is atrocious, and good god, they interrupt action scenes for horrible dialogue and a plot moving at a snail’s pace.

However, there are some positives. Ewan McGregor comes into his own as Obi-Wan in this film, the legendary Christopher Lee kills it as Count Dooku, we meet Jango Fett, and we finally get to see Yoda wield a lightsaber.

Is it a good movie? No. Is it a good Star Wars movie? No. Is it fun enough to watch, even just to laugh at it? Absolutely. It’s a guilty pleasure classic.

6. Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith

By. Far. The. Most. Gratuitous. Lightsaber. Fight. Ever.

Jeez, I mean, it’s a blast, I really enjoyed it as a kid (just realized this movie came out 14 years ago and I’m unwell), but there’s a part of the lightsaber fight where both guys are just twirling their lightsabers without striking at each other.

5. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

I know this is controversial, but I really loved this movie. Even if it’s not necessarily Skywalker-centric, it still feels like a Star Wars movie. It has some of the iconic sights and characters without leaning too heavily on them. Also, it explains what some people found to be a glaring issue in the first Star Wars movie with the exhaust port in the Death Star.

Also, also… the last scene? One of my favorite scenes in a Star Wars film ever.

4. Episode Seven: The Force Awakens

Yeah neckbeards, I said it. The Force Awakens is better than any of the prequels. Is it a retelling of A New Hope? Yes, yes it is, and I don’t see that as a bad thing. What did A New Hope do? Introduce us to a new universe. What did The Force Awakens do? Well, I guess the same thing, didn’t it?

This is the first introduction to the post-Episode Six/Disney merger Star Wars Universe. It serves as an homage to the original series while introducing the new one.

You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. If they made a Vader clone, people would’ve complained, but because Kylo Ren wasn’t Vader, they still complained. If it was different from the original trilogy, people would hate it too, but y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

3. Episode Six: Return of the Jedi

Return of the Jedi is definitely the worst of the original trio, but by no means bad. Luke is coming to terms with the truth about his father’s identity, Han and Leia wrestle with their feelings, and we get the thrilling conclusion to the war between the Rebellion and the Empire. Plus, we meet the Emperor, who, if we’re being honest, is probably the best character in the entire series.

Unpopular Opinion: I hate Ewoks. They’re little cannibals and they were able to kill Stormtroopers with rocks. Genuinely annoying. Porgs > Ewoks.

2. Episode Four: A New Hope

This one gets a bloated ranking because, well, it was the first one. Without A New Hope, there is no Star Wars. This is one of the most iconic, revolutionary films in the history of cinema. We met Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, Princess Leia, C-3PO, R2D2, and Darth Vader. We found out about the Millennium Falcon making the Kessel Run in less 12 parsecs. We found out about the force, we saw our first lightsabers, and man, you can’t love Star Wars and not love this film.

It’s not perfect, by any means. You wouldn’t think Mark Hamill was a good actor by watching this film, and the whole debacle of who-shot-first has gone on for entirely too long in an era where you can bully a studio into redesigning a hedgehog.

1. Episode Five: The Empire Strikes Back

Could it be anything else? Seriously, could it have been any other movie in the Star Wars series? This is the film that gave us our first really great lightsaber duel. The Imperial March debuted in this movie. We got the battle on Hoth, we met Yoda, we went to Cloud City, cult icon Boba Fett is introduced, and oh yeah, this line.

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